The Dream Network

No, it’s not a new channel on your cable provider’s lineup and we’re not talking about some new-fangled thing on YouTube. Motivational speakers have been telling us for decades that “we become what we think about on a regular basis.” You don’t “catch” depression and you don’t “catch” happiness; you “create” it by the thoughts you put into your mind. Every day you must carefully CHOOSE what you read, listen to, the people you hang out with, etc. and filter out or eliminate the things that aren’t positive and encouraging.

If you catch yourself thinking about unhappiness or worrying about ill health or adversity, (I like to call it the “Gloom & Doom” Channel), “change the channel” and think about what you want to happen instead (the Dream Network). Believe that GOOD things are possible and will happen. Expectations have a way of coming true, whether they’re positive or negative.

Our achievements in life have always been limited by what we believe to be possible. When you focus your attention on what you want, otherwise hidden opportunities have a way of presenting themselves. The ninja of feudal Japan even had a special name for it; “kuji” was the study of focused intention, where thought, word and deed were combined to remove the gap that separates intention from successful action. Once the kuji technique was mastered, the ninja supposedly had the power to create physical reality by means of his intention alone. Focused intention became completed action itself; cause blended with effect until there was no longer a distinction.

What’s on your “Dream Network”? When’s the last time you watched it? How good is the reception in your head? Are you getting a clear picture, is it fuzzy, or God forbid, just a static channel?

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Encouragement: Free to give away, priceless to receive. – Author unknown

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Wanted: Mental TV Technician. I think my tuner needs repair as it seems to be drifting back to the “Gloom & Doom” Channel all the time. Every few minutes I have to manually switch it back to the “Dream Network”.

PBJ

Refrigeration isn't something that I take for granted like most "insiders". Any food items that I carry with me in my vehicle have to withstand the heat of summer because I don't carry a cooler. I'd be re-filling it with ice on a daily basis if I did and that would be a nuisance.

My mom called the other day and asked me what I've been eating. I told her about all the fast food places that I've been to lately and her first comment was, "Gee, that's got to be expensive. You should go to the store and get some lunchmeat and cheese or something." I had to remind her that if I didn't eat it that day, that whatever I bought would go bad on me and I've never been thrilled about the prospect of eating spoiled food. Last spring, when I was still living indoors, I went to a fast food place late at night and had some chicken nuggets left over which I ate the next morning. They had already gone bad even though it never exceeded 50 degrees overnight in my truck and I spent the next 36 hours driving the white porcelain bus. (You know, the one in your bathroom.) I won't be eating any unrefrigerated leftovers again, ever!


Other than some assorted canned goods, the only food I carry with me is a jar of peanut butter, a squeeze bottle of grape jam and a loaf of bread. I used to really like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches but after eating what seems like a couple thousand of them this summer, for breakfast, lunch and dinner, my lip curls up in an unpleasant, disagreeable snarl every time I think about the idea. I've decided instead to shop just for the day and only buy what I can eat without leftovers.

Kickin' back

Kickin' back is another one of those things that "insiders" definitely take for granted. Or I guess you could say that it's one of those benefits you get from paying rent or a mortgage. It's pretty difficult to find a place to chill when you're limited to parks and parking lots. Parks are nice but you can't sit there and drink a few beers. I refuse to drink and drive so I don't have many good options when I'd like to just kick back and relax. Sitting in a vehicle drinking beer is just not a good idea either because of Colorado's open container law. I'd hate to have a few beers and then have to explain to some law enforcement officer that I live in my truck and don't really have any place to go.

Taking a nap is also another activity that's hard to accomodate. I spend a lot of time at local libraries and sometimes I get a little sleepy after doing a lot of reading. I'd like to be able to just put the book down and rest my eyes for a little while but I don't do it because I wouldn't want a library patron to jostle me awake and tell me that I'm snoring. It's hard to take a nap at a friend's house because it's not very social. My truck isn't comfortable enough to take a nap in the front seat either. A few times I've crawled in the back and just laid down because I couldn't keep my eyes open.

Hope, a Higher power & lottery tickets

Where does my hope come from? My hope comes from the Lord our God who provides for all of us. I think it says that in the Bible somewhere too but I'm not good at quoting scripture.

A few days ago I was worried because I only had $3 left in my pocket. I prayed that God would provide an answer for me. I got the idea to purchase a $1 lottery ticket and in spite of having a consistent losing streak when it comes to such things, I actually won my dollar back. I decided to buy another one and see what happened. I actually won $21 on the next ticket.

Good thing, because when I got back in my truck the oil warning light on the dash immediately came on. Without winning that lottery ticket I wouldn't have been able to buy the one quart of oil necessary to keep me on the road. I contemplated the cosmic coincidences of that sort of thing randoming happening on its own and decided that He is still looking out for me somehow.

So, now it's got me wondering, Is God down with gambling or does He just use whatever tools he has handy at the time to accomplish His divine purpose, kinda like when the tool in your hand can become a hammer at the appropriate moment?

Related humor:
A man prayed every day, "God, please help me win the lottery today."
Finally after several months, God spoke to him, in a booming voice, "Meet me halfway on this, Bob. Buy a ticket."

Support Systems

Helping other people has always been one of my most gratifying actions. However, I'm finding that it's difficult to do much to help others when I can't seem to take care of myself. You have very little credibility for helping other people when you are homeless. It's easy to lose hope and give up on life. It's difficult to maintain a positive attitude and focus on the future when you are confronted with several problems at once.

Friends are, or should be, an important part of anyone's support system and many "insiders" don't realize this. I devalued a lot of my old friendships and consequently lost contact with a lot of people. Now that I'm spending a lot of time in my truck, I'm beginning to realize that it would be nice to have a few more friends. I'd have more options when I need a shower or someone to talk to.

My advice: be grateful for those people who love you & encourage you to do the right thing.

Indoor Plumbing

Imagine this: you're out shopping somewhere and your body informs you that you need to find a restroom, fast! Where to go? I face this situation every day; in the morning when I get up until it's time to find another parking lot and get some sleep. How about when you wake up in the middle of the night and need to go? Finding a bathroom at 3am is little more tricky and a bit of a hassle so I give bathroom details top priority when I'm looking for a place to sleep.

I like stopping at a MickeyDs' in the morning when I have enough money for a cup of coffee. Their bathrooms are generally pretty clean but there is only one stall and it seems like there's always someone using it when I go in there.

Showers: I was doing some demolition work earlier this summer and I'd be covered in grime and sweat by the end of the day. "Insiders" just drive home, jump in the shower and get cleaned up. I would have to call a friend and ask if I could come by and take a shower. Then I'd have to drive over there. There were a few days when I didn't get too dirty that I could put off taking a shower for another day but it didn't happen very often.

"Insiders" and Urban Camping

Urban camping is just a polite metaphor for being homeless. I've been living in my truck since April, working sometimes and unemployed at times. I haven't been able to make enough money at temp jobs to be able to afford rent somewhere, only food and gas and the rare 6-pack of beer.

Most normal people who live in houses or apartments, "insiders" I call them, have very little knowledge of what it's like to live on the street. My mom asked me a couple of months ago if I got my birthday card in the mail. I asked her what address she sent it to. Then I reminded her that I didn't have an address and how could I possibly receive it? One good thing about not having an address is that it's hard for bill collectors to get hold of you. These days, those are the only people that call me during the day. The lack of an address can be a question mark when you're looking for work. What address do you put on your resume? Where does a prospective employer send an acceptance letter or rejection letter?

It's scary to think how close the wolf actually is to the door. I happen to know a lot of people who are only a paycheck or two away from being homeless. A couple instances of bad luck close enough together and wham bang!, you're in my shoes. Whether it's Providence or just luck, somehow they scrape by, week by week and year after year. They may be alive but I don't call that "living", it's just survival.

I've decided that instead of feeling sorry for myself I'm going to look at this as an adventure and a learning experience. So, what have I learned? - a lot of things which will become future blog topics.

"To make a man happy, fill his hands with work, his heart with affection, his mind with purpose, his memory with useful knowledge, his future with hope, and his stomach with food." -- Frederick E. Crane